Penthouse, anyone? This two-storey “skyhome” sits on the top of a brand-new beachfront boutique building at 3533 Main Beach Parade. Nicole Buckler checks it out.

The Gold Coast is the most beautiful place to live in the world. And, a penthouse is one of the nicest ways to be hoisted above it. But, you can buy a hell of a lot of house for $8.95 million, so why would you decide a penthouse is a superior choice? Maybe you are one of those people who like other humans enough that having neighbours seems like a really pleasant idea. Your lift ride is the longest, so small talk must just be your thing.

Maybe you like the feeling that no one can rob you up this high, and take your Ken Done artworks from 1982 off the wall. You can lock the door behind you knowing that no one is going to scale the building to steal the crown jewels that everyone thinks you have (remember: you sold them to buy this place). Perhaps you just like being the King of the Hill, residing in the crown of a building. And there it is – the sense of “arrival.” It is the main selling point here.

There’s no feeling like being in an elevator and pressing the PH button. It’s all part of that penthouse feeling. This penthouse does have its own private lift though, so you don’t get to show off with your button-pressing. On the plus side, you don’t have to consort with the help. Phew. Small talk is awful.

This place is really going for the “arrival” allure. Designed by acclaimed architect, Bayden Goddard, it has flawless marble, limestone, travertine, timber and stone finishes throughout. In this exquisite masterpiece, no expense has been spared.

Life in this penthouse is set against the backdrop of uninterrupted Pacific Ocean views. They stretch endlessly along this famous coastline. The 8th-floor wraparound terrace is all yours. You can float in your gorgeous top-floor pool and take it in all.

If you have some mooching friends, then this place will be their new crash pad – the property has 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms, plus a temperature-controlled wine cellar, so they can drink all your fancy wines too.

The gourmet kitchen has a scullery, top-of-the-line Gaggenau appliances, integrated fridge and dishwasher, plus built-in wine fridges and a deluxe marble island bench – for when you never cook but your manservant surely does.

Oversized glass windows frame the light-filled living and dining areas. This is to showcase the spectacular vistas. It is a haven for soaking up sunrises and sunsets. You can look forward to visits from people who will pretend to like you so they can hang out there.

You’ll also be able to extend the party out to the travertine-tiled terrace, which fuses effortlessly with the indoors and offers picture-perfect coastal panoramas. There’s no getting away from it. This is the sexiest place to get drunk on the Gold Coast.

The upscale elegance continues with the bedrooms, where you can wake to the sounds of the waves rolling in. The master suite occupies the top floor, along with an open-plan study. It is here that you can study your Bitcoin wallet and work out what other prestige properties you can buy to do more nudie runs in.

For couples, you will each have your own dressing rooms. Plus, there are his-and-hers marble and limestone ensuites. Yes, your place to VIPoo is your very own. Of course, the bathroom has a sumptuous freestanding bath. And, let’s not forget the heated towel rails, for those three nights a year that the temperature goes below 1000 degrees Celsius on the Gold Coast.

The remaining bedrooms reside on the lower level, with two of them offering walk-through robes and all fitted with stylish ensuites, accented by Crema Marfil marble and Limra Limestone. They all have ocean and hinterland views. When you wake up you can hi-five passengers on the Scoot flights that roar down the coastline to the Gold Coast Airport.

The oak herringbone floors are amazing. They have acoustic underlay in the living areas and master bedroom. So the people downstairs won’t hear you making your home pornos upstairs.

The location is second to none – close to Marina Mirage and Tedder Avenue café and restaurant precinct. So when your manservant runs away for a better life, you won’t go hungry or thirsty. Remember, in this place, it’s all about you.

Penthouse living does have incredible advantages. You don’t have upstairs neighbours to keep you awake with stilettos clacking in the middle of the night. You are away from the noise of the street (mainly made up of people like me complaining about my shoes hurting me at 3am). And you have magnificent, unobstructed views. And what better place for said views than the Gold Coast. You have security that you don’t get with a house at ground level. However, in the event of a fire or earthquake, just remember that you will be the last out. So don’t forget your escape helicopter, just in case. Surely, there’s enough room to park it at the top – I mean, look at all this space. You could swing 27 cats in here.

Yes, this is the life. When your ship comes in, this is definitely where you should park it.

Update: This place sold a few weeks ago. The monthly mortgage repayments were a mere $30,528, according to the loan calculator on the page. Eye watering stuff.

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